A week or so ago, admitting that I was struggling a bit, Nicky and I talked about how talking about grief was much better than keeping things bottled up inside. And, of course, she's right. It's a lesson I've always struggled with, but particularly at the moment, not wanting to appear down to the rest of my family. However, there's no hiding some things.
Nicky bought me a book - 'It's OK that you're not OK' which I am getting in to. And the following piece under a heading of 'Attachment is Survival' seemed appropriate:
"Real safety is in entering each other's pain, recognising ourselves inside it. As one of my oldest teachers used to say, poignancy is kinship. It's evidence of connection. That we hurt for each other shows our relatedness. Our limbic systems, our hearts, and our bodies are made for this; we long for that connection.
That you see your own potential for grief and loss in someone else's grief? That's beautiful. Poignancy is kinship.
When emotion comes up, we can let that poignancy run through us. It hurts, but it hurts because we're related, because we're connected. It should hurt. There's nothing wrong with that. When we recognise pain and grief as a healthy response to loss, we can respond with skill and grace, rather than blame and bypass. We can respond by loving one another, no matter what happens."